Dear Little Cathy

Hi Guys!

It's been a while, huh. Gosh- I've been really swamped with work and stuff....but who cares?

Anyway, so today I saw this picture and it really struck me: What would I tell Little Cathy if I could go back in time. Well I'm still trying to get back into the blogging form...so bear with me as I list some things I'd like little me to know:

1) Don't get so stressed out over little things: Like seriously Cathy- you're actually smart, kind, and pretty- you don't need to beat yourself over every piece of homework set, or every test you fail. I know it's hard for you to ignore other people's feelings but try not to let their bad moods bring you down. And stop second- guessing you're looks- it's obvious you'll turn out ok( that is, after you pass that awkward stage around 10-12 when your ears and nose are really big- just givin' you a heads up!)

2) Fruit- Get into the habit of eating fruit, because it really pays off when you get older. Now you have 3 rotting apples on your desk from attempting to force yourself to eat them- congratulations.

3) Don't feel bad about the teasing of you're height or dance skills- you actually ended up being pretty good at it- boo yah, sister and family who made fun of you! And as for you're height- well, it's a blessing and a curse.

4) Force your parents to have taught you the essentials by the age of 10:
- your native language
- a foreign language
- to play a musical instrument- preferably piano or guitar.
Because if not, you are going to end up feeling pretty inadequate when you get into an international school for geniuses, with 7year-old 'grade 8' pianists and friends who have mastered 4 different languages.

5) Ballet!: You really should tone-down the tom-boy thing you'll have going for most of your childhood- it will be so much fun if  you join your sister in ballet, and a lot cooler than what you're doing now- which is prancing around the house on you're tip-toes like a prat.

6) Quick one here: In the summer of '09 you will be trusted with an envelope containing a certain sum of money in a foreign currency- DO NOT, i repeat, NOT, leave it on your lap in the car, fall asleep, then wake up and jump out of the car without looking.

7) Keep in touch: You live a life where you're constantly travelling, experencing new cultures, meeting new people and leaving old ones behind. Take full advantage of this, and also stay in contact with those awesome friends- some of them are the best people you'll ever meet!

8) Filming: Get into the habit of taking videos, and get a videocam early too- you're going to be obsessing a lot over the cool ideas you'd like to bring to life, but just don't know how.

9) Guys: Hmmm....sorry Cathy- I guess I'm still just no good at them, eh? Which is probably where I should start from: get a guy best friend or rather keep the guy best friend that you will meet on the first day of kindergarten in a certain East-African country. That would probably really solve alot of the dilemmas you currently face in understanding the cold, dangerous darklands of the teenage-boy psyche. It may also lead to you guys....well- I'll just let you find out that one ;)

10) Popularity: Just want you to know that you did the right thing by staying true to yourself. It may not always look the most appealing side to take, but it's totally worth it in the end.

11) Family: Hold on to your family like nothing else. I mean it! You love them now, and always will, but remembering just how much you love them when your constantly bickering with them, at that young age little kids do, would really save a lot of potential hurt. Also you must stick with your siblings like 'stickyglue' and defend them no matter who or what tries to blur your vision.
Remember, like 'Brother's Garcias' ( you love that show ps It'll be taken off air soon so don't get too attached) ' Doro para familia'  (or something like that).

Everything for the family.

Cathy

Living Lemonade 101: Day 22- Sparkling nail polish

Ahh....nothing says summer like candy-coloured school-girl glittery nail polish!

Especially now that summer's slowly passing, and fading to an end.

Let's fight off any prospective winter blue, with candy floss and star bright hues!

'Cos nothing says I'm lovin' it
like living life lemonade!

The book of Love Pt1

This one's for everyone- the lovers, the beloved, those who have lost it, and those yet to find it.

Many thanks to Scrubs Episode Finale for playing it.(love that show).
Post coming later!

Fast Car

For a long time now, I've wondered how best to say this. Somehow I know I'll never get it right. Presently, you're a thousand miles away, and I'm struggling to keep things sane over here. There's a lot that's probably been on your mind, but if you have the time, here's this.

Sometimes we get lost in where we are now, and forget just how far we've come- good or bad,  where it all began.  Today I did  the same thing that I'd always done. I cleaned the house, pressed his shirts, and washed the baby. It was, in fact, while she fed, that I'd heard it on the radio. The first bars I couldn't mistake, and I gasped, nearly dropping her. I sat still in shock for the entire song, clutching her to my chest, ignoring the kettle hissing, the phone ringing, the world moving.

Now I'm here scribbling this late into the night. I'd spent the rest of the day searching in the attic all alone amongst my old stuff for that CD, and I couldn't believe my luck. It's playing now on repeat...it's helping me do this.

There's so much I never said, and I'm sorry.

When you came to town, I was angry and tired...always tired. So it was simple, I was awful to you. And then you came full of the shine of the city, all talk of bigger things and hope. I hated you for it, but it confused me so- why you were here in the first place. So I'd entertained your endless questions, and your stories.

And then I'd noticed the awkward silences were becoming more comfortable, and that your eyes shone differently when you were with me. The day you'd kissed me, I remember thinking 'this can't be right- you're so different from me!'

It was another year on that I realised we were the same.

You'd lost your mother, I never knew my father. This town was the only other home you and you're dad had ever known. And without her, there just wasn't enough to keep you in the city.

In you're eyes I saw the eyes of somebody I could trust. I'd never expected to fall so hard. We both knew we needed to leave this place at once, or live and die this way.

It fascinated you, how I could conjure up these fantasies of how'd we leave, where we'd go, what we'd do. Not knowing I only had them because of you; because with you, I felt like I could be someone.You had a car, and I had a little from the extra shifts I had begun taking.  And that morning you'd asked me to come along with you, across the border. I didn't believe you, even though I knew you were serious. I'd wanted to do it, believe me, I did. I was ready- I'd been ever since you first mentioned it the first night we'd driven out of the town.

Yes, it was as we drove, the radio played this song, and it was ours and we were in love.

The River Flows in You

Sun gleaming, and the wind whistling
gentle silence.

-And you there, making Love’s presence felt
listening intently, hearing no more than a whisper.

And then the notes strike you, and you seem to gasp.

Something amazing! Your eyes round tell
These notes so sweet, so complex, so utterly intricate waft breaking silence.

And then your eyes fall on the River;
You gasp again.

Like diamonds! No- Ten thousand stars instead.
Sparkling, dazzling, streaming gracefully to eternity seeming.

You turn to me again, opening your lips to say it all
which remains open, saying nothing.
Unaware that lay before me, three perfect beauties
-the melody, the River,
And the girl.

Yes, darling, my melodies inadequate to describe what’s true
And yes, darling, the River flows in you.

Cathy

Will things be the same next time we meet?

To begin this post, I'd like to start off with a song reference ( as I often do :) ).
In the words of Biffy Clyro's 'Many of horror' (song inserted below for the 'interested and lazy'):

When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise; I know you're worth it
When you hit me hit me hard

So...
In many ways I find these lyrics profound, and in some ways, relevant to me. It's all about being in love with someone who is technically 'bad for you'. Although with this song, its more about an abusive relationship either emotionally, physically, etc, I can identify falling for someone when you know 'it' will never work out, and will inevitably end up hurting you ( get my drift now?) .

Often I find myself doing this, albeit on a far smaller scale, and to a lesser extent. And I won't call what I feel/felt 'love' per se, but attraction of varying intensities.

I was thinking of going into specifics initially, but have decided against it.
Presently, I feel this way for a few guys(really few okay!) at the same time- all of varying degrees, and subject to change at any point. Yes, I do think we can all feel this way about the opposite sex at times- feelings are really hard to deal with, especially when young.

And funny enough, with all of them I have the same problem. We're never around each other for too long. But when we're together its great and despite all the fluctuations there's still this level of permanency that I do like them that way. And I can't wait to see them, but life happens and I can't be near any of them. And with each of them is something unique about who they are, but also something so obviously 'wrong' about the relationship itself, that shouldn't work.

Yet I still find myself wishing it would.

Arrgh- I doubt I'm making much sense, so I guess I'll just end this with a quote that may or may not explain what I'm feeling...
 Actually this time I have a couple:

'I've learned that there are people that truly love you, but they just don't know how to show it'


'Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you... and I wish on a star that somewhere you're thinking of me, too'




'I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have.'

Anyone else in my boat?

Cathy.

Fast Car

For a long time now, I've wondered how best to say this. Somehow I know I'll never get it right. Presently, you're a thousand miles away, and I'm struggling to keep things sane over here. There's a lot that's probably been on your mind, but if you have the time, here's this.

Sometimes we get lost in where we are now, and forget just how far we've come- good or bad,  where it all began.  Today I did  the same thing that I'd always done. I cleaned the house, pressed his shirts, and washed the baby. It was, in fact, while she fed, that I'd heard it on the radio. The first bars I couldn't mistake, and I gasped, nearly dropping her. I sat still in shock for the entire song, clutching her to my chest, ignoring the kettle hissing, the phone ringing, the world moving.

Now I'm here scribbling this late into the night. I'd spent the rest of the day searching in the attic all alone amongst my old stuff for that CD, and I couldn't believe my luck. It's playing now on repeat...it's helping me do this.

There's so much I never said, and I'm sorry.

When you came to town, I was angry and tired...always tired. So it was simple, I was awful to you. And then you came full of the shine of the city, all talk of bigger things and hope. I hated you for it, but it confused me so- why you were here in the first place. So I'd entertained your endless questions, and your stories.

And then I'd noticed the awkward silences were becoming more comfortable, and that your eyes shone differently when you were with me. The day you'd kissed me, I remember thinking 'this can't be right- you're so different from me!'

It was another year on that I realised we were the same.

You'd lost your mother, I never knew my father. This town was the only other home you and you're dad had ever known. And without her, there just wasn't enough to keep you in the city.

In you're eyes I saw the eyes of somebody I could trust. I'd never expected to fall so hard. We both knew we needed to leave this place at once, or live and die this way.

It fascinated you, how I could conjure up these fantasies of how'd we leave, where we'd go, what we'd do. Not knowing I only had them because of you; because with you, I felt like I could be someone.You had a car, and I had a little from the extra shifts I had begun taking.  And that morning you'd asked me to come along with you, across the border. I didn't believe you, even though I knew you were serious. I'd wanted to do it, believe me, I did. I was ready- I'd been ever since you first mentioned it the first night we'd driven out of the town.

Yes, it was as we drove, the radio played this song, and it was ours and we were in love.

The River Flows in You

Sun gleaming, and the wind whistling

gentle silence.

-And you there, making Love’s presence felt

listening intently, hearing no more than a whisper.

And then the notes strike you, and you seem to gasp.

Something amazing! Your eyes round tell

These notes so sweet, so complex, so utterly intricate waft breaking silence.

And then your eyes fall on the River;

You gasp again.

Like diamonds! No- Ten thousand stars instead.

Sparkling, dazzling, streaming gracefully to eternity seeming.

You turn to me again, opening your lips to say it all

which remains open, saying nothing.

Unaware that lay before me, three perfect beauties

-the melody, the River,

And the girl.

Yes, darling, my melodies inadequate to describe what’s true

And yes, darling, the River flows in you.

Will things be the same next time we meet?

To begin this post, I'd like to start off with a song reference ( as I often do :) ).
In the words of Biffy Clyro's 'Many of horror'(song inserted below for the 'interested and lazy'):

When we collide we come together

If we don't we'll always be apart

I'll take a bruise; I know you're worth it

When you hit me hit me hard

So...

In many ways I find these lyrics profound, and in some ways, relevant to me. It's all about being in love with someone who is technically 'bad for you'. Although with this song, its more about an abusive relationship either emotionally, physically, etc, I can identify falling for someone when you know 'it' will never work out, and will inevitably end up hurting you ( get my drift now?) .

Often I find myself doing this, albeit on a far smaller scale, and to a lesser extent. And I won't call what I feel/felt 'love' per se, but attraction of varying intensities.

I was thinking of going into specifics initially, but have decided against it.
Presently, I feel this way for a few guys(really few okay!) at the same time- all of varying degrees, and subject to change at any point. Yes, I do think we can all feel this way about the opposite sex at times- feelings are really hard to deal with, especially when young.

And funny enough, with all of them I have the same problem. We're never around each other for too long. But when we're together its great and despite all the fluctuations there's still this level of permanency that I do like them that way. And I can't wait to see them, but life happens and I can't be near any of them. And with each of them is something unique about who they are, but also something so obviously 'wrong' about the relationship itself, that shouldn't work.

Yet I still find myself wishing it would.

Arrgh- I doubt I'm making much sense, so I guess I'll just end this with a quote that may or may not explain what I'm feeling...
 Actually this time I have a couple:

'I've learned that there are people that truly love you, but they just don't know how to show it'


'Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you... and I wish on a star that somewhere you're thinking of me, too'




'I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have.'

Anyone else in my boat?

Cathy.

Some thoughts

Oh the perils of being too young
But 'far-too-old!' to play and sleep

They drive us night and day
like herds of cattle, forced to read

'Look to your future 'ole girl', he'd hiss
'I wish, old man'- he'd never guess- 'and leave just all of this'

Because then I'm seated in First Class first
A night, a new country- for a new day

And round my neck, expensive glass
A doting man would wave my way


I'd speak of things that'd help the world
And strategies to change Her ways


And when I'd have them by the rope,
Like Ghandi, raise my hands in hope


For now though, I realise
This wooden desk will suffice

And these glamorous wooden dolls,
Will lend me a silent applause.

Creative Corner: Magic Realism

Bonjour tout le monde!

 So I am currently obsessed with a unique literary style I recently learnt about called 'Magic Realism'. Basically, it is pushing the bounds of our human reality in the most realistic, logical and probable way possible. No hint of how absurd the concept may be. You can find out more about it online.

Anyway, I am so fascinated by this style because of its uniqueness and freedom of form- it basically embodies all I find cool about literature and living. Murakami's 'The Dancing Dwarf' was the first piece I read, and it inspired me a lot. With magic realism, it is as logical to be sipping tea mid-air while conversing with the president, as it is doing so on the ground- you just have to make it seem so. And the characters are detached and largely aware of the absurdity of this- so cool.

Therefore, my creative advice today is to have a go at Magic Realism. Don't stress about it a lot- just have a go and have fun with it. All your wildest dreams as expected and logical as water boiling.

The perfect background track for inspiration: Ra Ra Riot's cover- Suspended in Gaffa

Have fun writing, and 'Be Creative!'.
Cathy

P.S Here's my first attempt - a short intro to a story I might develop. What do you think- weird enough for you? ;)


‘Just beyond there’, the young elephant pointed at me, jerking his trunk for emphasis. His trunk was a peculiar shade of green today, much different from the sterling grey coat he must have dyed it last week- it was obvious he had a cold.
‘Thank you- and by the way, a stronger dye would hide the colour easily’, I whispered before leaving.

The elephant blushed, but still mustered a polite smile. It made me feel a bit bad. Pehaps, I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I mean, it was a well-known fact that all elephants dyed their skin grey, but one of those things that no one really talked about- as distasteful as talks of apartheid or the holocaust. But I had thought this young chap may not have minded, since his trunk wasn’t actually the original pink at all- but a sickly green.

‘Well... goodbye then’, I murmered, shifting my feet awkwardly.
 I was halfway there, I spun round for one last glance at the kind young elephant- now thinking I should’ve apologised for crossing the line. But of course, the elephant had already left. Honestly, sometimes I don’t get it. If I had pink skin like the elephants' I’d parade it everywhere- so pretty. And why they thought grey was a much more enviable hue- I do not know. I guess that’s elephants for you- always obsessed with looking the ‘part’- whatever that is.

To a friend on her 18th Birthday

Dear friend,
(With a fitting cliched beginning:)
It seems like only yesterday I saw your first birthday (which was in fact your 12th as we'd only met at the beginning of secondary school). But oh how you've not really grown at all! You still argue when you know you're wrong, still do that weird twisty thing with your hair when you're tensed( which will invariably lead to aloepecia), and still love and embrace life with all the gusto and all the innocence of a new-born rock star!


Therefore,  with all the wisdom of a best-friend who is at least a year younger than you, I have composed this list:


1) Be Spontaneous: No better time than now to remind you of the best piece of advice, which just happens to be first given me by you. Now that you're getting old and greying, make sure to keep that in mind. No matter how bogged down you get with the drudgery of life- randomly stop and smell the roses, kiss that passing stranger(not really), and burst out in song when you feel like it. I'll try to be there to fill the awkward silence when you do so...


2)Go to Ireland: Galway girl can't wait forever! There really is something magical about there be it Northern Ireland or the 'real deal'. Maybe you can finally live that Holly-Gerry moment, huh?


3) Don't 'DO IT'-
You know what I mean. Not that I question your chastity or anything, but in a world where values are changing fast, and even the rest of our friends are giving in- try to remember it's best to save it for your 'one and only'...

4) On that note Do 'Get a Boyfriend':
I'd say it's about time now, don't ya think? And I know, I know- it's not really your active choice not to have one. But try opening your eyes to those you least expect - without compromising standards.

5) Take more pictures, make more videos: Honestly there is nothing better than documenting your life, really? Even when there's absolutely nothing special to document. It will come in handy when you're bored one day.


6) Stop any remnant  'childishness': Now I am NOT calling you out or anything, before you kill me! I 'm just saying if ever you get the temptation to be mean to someone, complain ridiculously or get overly-jealous about something trivial- NIP IT IN THE BUD!

7) Keep the 'child-likeness': Be free, Be trusting, Be trustworthy. Enjoy sweets and gum drops, wear that bright pink whatever- you know......

8) Get back to the Classics: What happened to those old Hamlet quotes you'd recite each day? Any you haven't read, get to reading and impress/annoy me again :)


9) Once you do get a Boyfriend- DON'T be boy-crazy: Please, please don't 'cos guess whose gonna have to deal with the annoying worries, pleasantries, and post-break up 'Oh-My-God-I-Thought-He-Was-Perfect tears'....

10) Start working on that 'Bucket  list'- Not in the sense that you're getting old/nearing death, but in the fact that these our things you've always wanted to do. Remember how we started drawing them up last summer?

11) But remember- life is a marathon, not a race- So the process of getting there, is just as important as the achievement itself. Take time to relish the daily routines...

12) Never forget to have the occassional 'I'm gonna stay in my pajamas today', 'I'm gonna have a lie-in' days- they are essential

13) Try to make a mark on the world or at least, in someone else's life: Do something- write a book, get to painting, get to charity- have something you'll be remembered for.

14) Listen more: More knowledge is gained from taking in, than spitting out.

15) Travel- You know that's one of the top things you said you have to do. No matter where you work or what you do, make sure you go somewhere exotic...

16) But when you do, keep in touch, ok? And not just with me, or your family, but with the friends I know you're already letting go of. Call them up sometime

17) Believe in Fairytales, and Magic: I do not know who this slightly cynical personna I am starting to see more of is, but i advise  you to screw her and her over-realism. What would the world be without ideals- whether they pan out or not? You are not Miss Harry Potter-Movie Watcher-Extraordinaire for nothing! I know you will find him- I'm sure you will- and you'll have that life you dreamed of so long.


18) Be true to You and to Him- And this time I don't mean a guy- I mean God. Don't forget who you are- a Christian African child. That come with so many implications and responsibilities to others, yourself and God. Don't let anyone make you feel less; don't be pressurized into anything- and keep hope, faith, and love alive.


I love you now; I'll love you always. I'll be here to make sure you follow through.

Love,

Cathy

On the Loss of Innocence, and Being-too-Young

I remember how there was a time when I could never fathom the following:
How Black Americans in the time when racial aggression was at its worst could live in a neighborhood where daily their friends and family got beaten, shot, or lynched.
How people in Afghanistan could go on living in an area where each moment laid imminent death by the Taliban.
How could they carry out any semblance of normal living at such times, and in such areas?
Why wouldn't they just leave?

Now, when I read about how a girl was returning from the market on her way to dinner,  when suddenly a soldier raid rampages her neighbor hood, or how a man was driving home from work and was suddenly shot by a member of the KKK, my senses are not completely shocked at the complete contrast of the two happenings.
I understand perfectly how my country can be deemed a terrorist nation, facing internal war from a religious sect, and I can still go on living their with my family, and living a relatively normal life too- watching movies, going to Church, having parties.

I read daily that another Church had been bombed, another raid unleashed- and with the full knowledge that it could have just as easily been me, I wake up and do the same tomorrow.

Why it is this way- I do not really know.
But sometimes leaving just isn't an option- and not even in the physical sense you may think I mean.

Maybe it's because leaving just isn't the answer- but that's probably not really why.

But it doesn't just stop there- I myself have been a subject of a dreaded news take on a crises. It was horrible, I was shaken- but I'm still there and I still live.

What I have learnt is this: We can never just stop, we have to keep moving-to carry on.
And sometimes these things that happen really are greater than us, and all we can do is be moved, swept by the tide.

Harsh fact for someone whose barely lived.

I really am too young, to be feeling this old.

A Rant?

'Germans are stupid'

Ok, so I have this little stereotype stuck in my head. I know it's obviously wrong, and that it only holds true based on ad hominum logical fallacy. But I honestly don't care- at least, not now.

A lot of times you go on hearing that we've come along way, and that Racism is a thing of the past- a non-subject really.But I am sadly certain that it's a thing that may never go away. And not because it can't, but because it's continually propagated- by both sides. And not in the tangible way it was before- that was the easy part. Now its subliminal it's in ideas, in comments, in charity- in matters you just can't pin point.

But that's not what I'm about to focus on- no lofty ideas for now.

I just have a case in point, is all.

As an African studying abroad, after previously not doing so: I came smack faced with it on a daily basis. But sometimes it becomes so open and obvious- but still in that way that remains so elusive.

1)A German boy  having watched me run a race( the only black person running) went up to another African girl and told her 'Congratulations on running':

a) This boy has been in my class the entire year

b) this boy is friends with the girl he mistook me for

c) There are only 4 black girls in our year(myself included)- and neither of us look alike

d) To further this- I am tall, thin, with a short curly hair style. The girl is Short, plump, with huge long braids

And I am just like:

2) We were at a UKCAT(Medicine test)  test preparation session when a black friend of mine came out on top in the decision analysis section. This section deals with encoding cryptic messages based on numbers representing disjointed groups of words.  A Girl( another German) made the following comment:

'It(her success) must be because that's how they talk where she comes from'

Once again:

Now I know this is ignorance.

And society today will tell me to 'chill out-obviously they don't mean it or can't you take a harmless joke?'

But you know what, society? No I *OBSCENITY* can't, because it doesn't matter whether they say this with the hatred of the KKK, or the stupidity of ...Bozo the clown! I don't care. 

This, my friends, is the exact reason why racism will never end.

And until we learn to stop letting it go as a joke- this intangible elusive subliminal *Obscenity* we call racism like an annoying itch- will never leave.

And here is  the reasoning behind my claim, in the words of Aibileen Clark from The Help:

''- stop that moment from coming – and it come in every child's life – when they start to think that colored folks ain't as good as whites" 

On Helping People

Ola Friends!
Ok so this will be a very short post as there TONNES to read on the site I'll be redirecting you to- so hold on to your keyboards peeps!

So there's this charity I am apart of called Living Stories Foundation- and it is involved with the publishing of short stories of children living in harder conditions of life- poverty, abuse, trafficking etc. And here's the catch: the stories are ALL written by the children themselves!

The charity was founded and is run by high-school students themselves, which is just MIND-BLOWING!

It seeks to empower the children it helps. To not speak on behalf of the children it serves, as most children charities to do. Rather, to enable their own voices be heard. All funds generated from the sales of these short stories collections go back to helping the children themselves, and reaching out and aiding others in conditions similar to them.

However, it is a relatively new charity- and needs all our help to get it off the ground.

That's where you all can help:

1) Share this post with all your friends, family, and associates. Raising Awareness is one of the major goals of Living Stories Foundation (ie through its publications). They need all the publicity they can get!

2) Visit their site @ http://livingstoriesfoundation.blogspot.co.uk/ for more information on how to take an active part in realising their project.

3) Or contact them directly at:  livingstoriesfoundation@gmail.com to show your support for what they do, and for the effort the KIDS themselves put into writing those stories- it can't be easy.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE!!

Love always,
CATHY.

Things I'd love to do with/for my future Daughter

Hey!
Ok so I'm the kind of girl whose been dreaming about the perfect husband and having kids, since I was 10(or younger).
I'm still pretty young- almost a full-fledged adult( interpret that as you will, noting that adult could mean above13, 16, 0r 21 given the context)
Anyway, I was listening to Ed Sheeran's 'Small Bump', and couldn't help dream about the things I'd love to do with my future daughter. This serves both as a post for you guys, but also a reminder for me when I'm old(er):

• Take pictures/ document all aspects of their childhood( within reason)
• Take mother-daughter ballet classes and dance with her (i know- they exist!)
• Braid her hair in the cutest styles, and dress her in the cutest baby dresses
• Bake with her
• Play classical music for her both as a kid, and when she's older
• Teach her piano, or any instrument she enjoys
• Get her to keep some form of journal or notebook
• Share my reminder book with her(my own version of a journal)
• Teach her to love writing, especially poetry
• Read her princess stories, but also real-life stories of hardship, pain, and charity.
• Ensure she reads:
• - The Princess Diaries(Meg Cabot)
• - Beautiful Child(Torey Heyden)
• - Ps I love you(Cecilia Ahern)
• - Where Rainbows End( Cecila Ahern)
• -House Rules (Jodi Picoult).
• A Thousand Splendid Suns (Khaled Hosseini)
• The Kite Runner(Khaled Hosseini)
• When I'm pregnant with her, write little notes or letters to her, about my experience with her, myself, hopes and dreams and advice for her as she gets older(maybe by milestone birthdays? too cheesy? i like cheesy). Stick it in a book, that she can read, and always have just in case anything happens to me.
• Let her find God her way, but help and encourage her every step of the way- make sure she finds Him, like I did.

Subscribe? ;)

Dear guys,
Not that I stalk or anything, but I have noticed an increase in the number and variety of my pageviews lately. Of course I am ecstatic( Sri Lanka? Germany? Wow).

And even though- as sad as it is- my only followers are my brother and myself (I have 4 siblings- thanks guys), I know that some people still read this anyway- just without subscribing or commenting.

But it would still be nice, anyway, if some of you subscribe just to let me know you're even vaguely interested in what I write. It would just be a little encouraging- and I would really appreciate it.

Even if you CAN  read all my posts without subscribing- I would really like you too anyway.

Or, even( and I'm just throwing this out there) possibly comment?

Well, either way I'll still be here writing for you, and for me.

Sincerely.

Things I'll never know......

Dear all,
During my childhood, I did a lot of travelling. I've spent long periods of time( 2 years minimum) in a variety of countries, across continents.
For most part, I love the life I've lived. The different cultures I've experienced all formed some unique part of me, that makes me such an open-minded, diverse being, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean there aren't any nuances that come with the life. Recently, I was flashing through pictures of old friends from when I was younger- most of which I have very little relationship with now, because we were far too young when we'd met to keep in touch( basically, before Facebook had peaked amongst 8-yr olds).

And as I skipped through each album, clear-cut memories of different faces, friendships, experiences, and moments soared through my mind- all with a strange mix of happiness, humour, and sadness). I though I'd share them with you:

Have you ever found yourself wandering about the things that never were, are now, and could be?

• I wonder what ever happened to Ahmed?
• I wonder how Rose and Henry broke up?- did they ever go out?
• I wonder if Ido ever learned English properly? Now that I think of it- I don't think it was only language that was the underlying problem in the way he communicated.
• Did Yodi find someone else?
• Did Yabseera- after the countless days of silent( and unnecessary) competition- finally win Yodi over?
• And what ever happened to Adam? And the summer of my 15th birthday, when we first flirted innocently, after years of playful teasing at family holidays?
• I heard he sailed a boat round the world one summer, by the look of things- it did him well.
• I wonder if Lilay kept on acting- if the years below acted out the same play we had starred the leads in- Pandora and her Greek-god husband?
• I hope he's forgiven me for being so openly upset that it was he, not Yodi who got the part.
• And how did Rose end up with that quarter-back type alpha male guy of hers? Don't know why I thought it was never her type.
• Timid 'new-girl', Asma, too- spread her wings and flown. I wish I'd been there to watch her grow.
• And Benjamin(Yodi's best friend) whose actually Bemnet- did I really mistake his name all those years?
• He was always the one who listened, who took me seriously- even at that age when girls had cooties and boys smelt bad.
• And I'd never noticed him- the mellow, thoughtful best friend.
• Was it Bemnet,not Yodi, all along?

I've noticed a pattern.....

Dear peeps,
scrolling through previous posts i can't help but notice that the vast majority of mine happen to be love-related.
And honestly, I find that kinda sad.

I'm actually not that love-obsessed, honestly.

No seriously- I mean it.

Anyway, today I had a get together with my long-time friend and fellow blogger Duby!(http://backindavyjoneslocker.blogspot.co.uk/ ; i sorta co-own it too- basically same stuff, only with her posts as well...)
All the while we were together i could only think of Peaches and Herb's Reunited, playing in the background slow-mo style.


It was so great catching up, and it felt like we'd never missed a beat.
I don't care what anyone says- with some people, distance doesn't mean a thing.

Love,
Cathy

She, for him

And as she sat there with him, on the ledge of the bridge, she'd made a deal with herself. She would tell him, finally, how she felt. After these past 2 months that had felt surreal, like she was constantly on a cloud- floating. She would show him her heart- tell him how much she loved him.
But she wouldn't wait for his reply.

'I think, I might just be falling for you'
And in that sane second, with all her strength she pushed off the stony leadge, and for that second air-borne- she was finally free. The nearest thing to how she now felt.

And as soon as she could breathe again, with the thrill of the plunge and the cold water, she swam.

She'd barely heard him call her, heard a glimpse of his perplexed laugh.

And she smiled, if he felt thhe same, he'd jump in- she knew it.

And he did

As fast as she could; she  paddled to the shore and ran- bare feet gritty with sand-turned-mud, till  her saoking clothes and air-deprived lungs wore her down.

She turned and faced him, grinning that foolish-yet knowing- grin he'd known so well.
She smiled
he smiled.


They kissed.


-Cathy

Music

How do you explain
The effect a piece of music can have on you? The power in the notes that are played?
How is it possible that a group of musical notes can come together and touch your soul so profoundly that for a moment you can just barely breathe.
That the notes have arrested you, you cannot speak.
The emotion it fills you with can be so strong, and so amazing.

There are just some compositions I hear that stop me; they strike me so. When I hear them, I hear a story, I feel the emotions, and the character's come to life- character's i have never known. But at that moment, I am one with them- I am them- as they lend me a part of their soul.

It's so hard to explain, and probably even more difficult for you to understand me, but that is just how I feel.
It's beautiful. So beautiful.


-Cathy

Random

Sometimes guys, this gets me so much...
I cant explain it...
This is me

Friends!
So I've written this poem a while ago, but no one seems to understand what it means. The things is, when I had written it I never intended for it to be extremely literal, and for the whole context to be understood. In general, when I write, I write for readers to experience the beauty of language, words and sounds. To experience different ways words can be arranged to produce a  great effect; for others to feel what I feel when I am inspired.

Anyway, here is the poem. In light if the previous post I wrote, On the Universality of faith and Religion, here is the poem based on it. Please enjoy. I hope you now understand.

Sweet disposition

Images fleeting into pools of reds, and greys and blues

Melting into light, pure light

So much so that eyes are helpless with no power of their own

But widened and gaping, lids pressed hard against.

It was hard to notice the icy cold of the screen

That scalded my scarce- touched cheeks

Even harder, I do think,

To acknowledge the silence of the freight within.

 One last glimpse of the grey blue skies around

And the magic of the stillness and stunning beyond

and the awesome feeling that we were “more”

Having stared at the smallness of life on the ground.

Then, with a jolt, I faced within

Did wonder whether I was alone in seeing this

Found only the same within the room

That silence and power, those greys and blues.

The ice beauty there did stop my heart

and soon my tongue humbled

And as the shadows outside skilfully crept through creeks

 Embraced the breathing, alighted the peace.

A movement in the near-dark

A moment of awareness

Pulsing ears and hearts, never breaking the silence

A boy.

Of angels, and nature, and something –and God

In hushes and murmurings, not a whisper above

But the electric blue of the jolts that did pass through

Had his eyes hue, and gave courage, new.

And only for now could we exist like this:

Two colours, beliefs, genders, and wishes

Mutual amazement at a spirit found less in few,

A black almost grey, a white almost blue.

On the Universality of Faith and Religion

Dear Friends,

I believe that life can put us in the strangest situations, and that some of these little things that happen at the most unexpected of moments, can touch our lives forever.

I am riding on a train at the beginning of Winter, heading my own way. The sky and clouds- the view- is picturesque so calm and still, and icy blue as the evening turns to night. The silence of outside refelects the silence within the train, and no one speaks because of its beauty. But if you listened well, you would hear muffled discussion and hushed tones like the whispers of love.

And I in silence, gaze out the window in amazement of the beauty of creation. And I can’t help notice the boy, quiet, sitting across from me. I don’t know what it is...that is, his face that caught me. And somehow I know he’s different, in that way one’s soul- the inner-most sacred being within- jumps for joy inexplicably. Immediately, I know I like him. So we talk and talk, at first uncertain and polite. But somehow time passes from minutes to hours, and the two strangers on the train so quiet; their voices breaking the cool silence of the train.

The Muslim boy from Palestine.

The Christian girl from Nigeria.

And though they are worlds apart, there has been no one closer. Kindred spirits in a foreign country with no faith. And after months of not hearing about religion,and feeling isolated in faith, he says to her:

‘ I don’t understand it. I never have. How people can go on day by day, believing in nothing”

Her eyes soften and she replies:

‘I know right? I mean, hypothetically speaking even if there were no God, what harm does it to believe ?’

‘...to have someone to come too in trust and love unconditional’

‘But as for me, I know He lives’, each said .

And before I knew it, the train ride was over- a train ride before that seemed time endless. And we were off on our own paths, our different worlds. And though, he may one day forget this, I remember it always. For at that point, he was my soul mate, and the spirit of God was there in that train...

I was just fortunate to be aware of it.

What I am trying to say is this:

People of faith, all faith- be it Christianity, Islam, Hindu, Judaism, or Sikh – we are all connected in that we believe. It is one GOD we serve, we are all His children.

Then why, dear friends, do we continue to emphasize the little things that make us different?

Some call him God, some call him Allah- but a different name doesn’t have to mean a different being. And what is human language when concerned with the affairs of the spirit?

Therefore, friends, we must learn to cease all forms of inter-religious persecution and segregation, and instead unite in a spirit of love and understanding. We are all brothers and sisters in this family of faith with God as our our head. Respect the little differences that do exist, and accept that no two children in a family are the same. Continue to show love to everyone- even those who do not believe. In fact, more so for a brother who has lost his way- bring him back to the family fold. Do this not by force or threat, but through prayer and love, as our God has taught us.

I end this letter, with the reassurance that God who is the source of all being, and who has given us the freedom to choose what we believe and follow, knows that one day all will be brought back to Him- one body, one faith. Until then, dear friends remember:

‘I believe in the fundamental Truth of all great religions of the world. I believe they are all God given and I believe they were necessary for the people to whom these religions were revealed. And I believe that if only we could all of us read the scriptures of the different faiths from the standpoint of the followers of these faiths, we should find that they were at the bottom all one and were all helpful to one another’ - M K Gandhi

On Fairytales and the Human Heart

I may believe in fairytales but I'm not a dreamer.
When did believing in true love become such an oddity? 
And why?


17years now and I still know he's out there. I have no proof of this. I have dated no one. The few guys I have liked, they have never known. The few that have liked me, it could never be.


But still I'm sure


I believe this not because of some out-of-touch sense of destiny, or some belief that one day he'll appear on my doorstep and it'll be happily ever after.


I believe this because, i'll make it happen.
And by that, I don't just mean that I'll do all the work. Instead, I'll find the guy who wants it too. The guy whose willing to make it work.


And I'll give him a love without games. I'll be myself knowing that that should be enough- because I know what I am worth. 


But most of all, I'll pray.


I think alot of times, we forget the beauty of loving freely, no holding back. I want that, and I know somewhere, he wants it too.

We'll make our own fairytale

Sincerely,
Cathy