The River Flows in You

Sun gleaming, and the wind whistling

gentle silence.

-And you there, making Love’s presence felt

listening intently, hearing no more than a whisper.

And then the notes strike you, and you seem to gasp.

Something amazing! Your eyes round tell

These notes so sweet, so complex, so utterly intricate waft breaking silence.

And then your eyes fall on the River;

You gasp again.

Like diamonds! No- Ten thousand stars instead.

Sparkling, dazzling, streaming gracefully to eternity seeming.

You turn to me again, opening your lips to say it all

which remains open, saying nothing.

Unaware that lay before me, three perfect beauties

-the melody, the River,

And the girl.

Yes, darling, my melodies inadequate to describe what’s true

And yes, darling, the River flows in you.

Will things be the same next time we meet?

To begin this post, I'd like to start off with a song reference ( as I often do :) ).
In the words of Biffy Clyro's 'Many of horror'(song inserted below for the 'interested and lazy'):

When we collide we come together

If we don't we'll always be apart

I'll take a bruise; I know you're worth it

When you hit me hit me hard

So...

In many ways I find these lyrics profound, and in some ways, relevant to me. It's all about being in love with someone who is technically 'bad for you'. Although with this song, its more about an abusive relationship either emotionally, physically, etc, I can identify falling for someone when you know 'it' will never work out, and will inevitably end up hurting you ( get my drift now?) .

Often I find myself doing this, albeit on a far smaller scale, and to a lesser extent. And I won't call what I feel/felt 'love' per se, but attraction of varying intensities.

I was thinking of going into specifics initially, but have decided against it.
Presently, I feel this way for a few guys(really few okay!) at the same time- all of varying degrees, and subject to change at any point. Yes, I do think we can all feel this way about the opposite sex at times- feelings are really hard to deal with, especially when young.

And funny enough, with all of them I have the same problem. We're never around each other for too long. But when we're together its great and despite all the fluctuations there's still this level of permanency that I do like them that way. And I can't wait to see them, but life happens and I can't be near any of them. And with each of them is something unique about who they are, but also something so obviously 'wrong' about the relationship itself, that shouldn't work.

Yet I still find myself wishing it would.

Arrgh- I doubt I'm making much sense, so I guess I'll just end this with a quote that may or may not explain what I'm feeling...
 Actually this time I have a couple:

'I've learned that there are people that truly love you, but they just don't know how to show it'


'Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you... and I wish on a star that somewhere you're thinking of me, too'




'I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have.'

Anyone else in my boat?

Cathy.

Some thoughts

Oh the perils of being too young
But 'far-too-old!' to play and sleep

They drive us night and day
like herds of cattle, forced to read

'Look to your future 'ole girl', he'd hiss
'I wish, old man'- he'd never guess- 'and leave just all of this'

Because then I'm seated in First Class first
A night, a new country- for a new day

And round my neck, expensive glass
A doting man would wave my way


I'd speak of things that'd help the world
And strategies to change Her ways


And when I'd have them by the rope,
Like Ghandi, raise my hands in hope


For now though, I realise
This wooden desk will suffice

And these glamorous wooden dolls,
Will lend me a silent applause.

Creative Corner: Magic Realism

Bonjour tout le monde!

 So I am currently obsessed with a unique literary style I recently learnt about called 'Magic Realism'. Basically, it is pushing the bounds of our human reality in the most realistic, logical and probable way possible. No hint of how absurd the concept may be. You can find out more about it online.

Anyway, I am so fascinated by this style because of its uniqueness and freedom of form- it basically embodies all I find cool about literature and living. Murakami's 'The Dancing Dwarf' was the first piece I read, and it inspired me a lot. With magic realism, it is as logical to be sipping tea mid-air while conversing with the president, as it is doing so on the ground- you just have to make it seem so. And the characters are detached and largely aware of the absurdity of this- so cool.

Therefore, my creative advice today is to have a go at Magic Realism. Don't stress about it a lot- just have a go and have fun with it. All your wildest dreams as expected and logical as water boiling.

The perfect background track for inspiration: Ra Ra Riot's cover- Suspended in Gaffa

Have fun writing, and 'Be Creative!'.
Cathy

P.S Here's my first attempt - a short intro to a story I might develop. What do you think- weird enough for you? ;)


‘Just beyond there’, the young elephant pointed at me, jerking his trunk for emphasis. His trunk was a peculiar shade of green today, much different from the sterling grey coat he must have dyed it last week- it was obvious he had a cold.
‘Thank you- and by the way, a stronger dye would hide the colour easily’, I whispered before leaving.

The elephant blushed, but still mustered a polite smile. It made me feel a bit bad. Pehaps, I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I mean, it was a well-known fact that all elephants dyed their skin grey, but one of those things that no one really talked about- as distasteful as talks of apartheid or the holocaust. But I had thought this young chap may not have minded, since his trunk wasn’t actually the original pink at all- but a sickly green.

‘Well... goodbye then’, I murmered, shifting my feet awkwardly.
 I was halfway there, I spun round for one last glance at the kind young elephant- now thinking I should’ve apologised for crossing the line. But of course, the elephant had already left. Honestly, sometimes I don’t get it. If I had pink skin like the elephants' I’d parade it everywhere- so pretty. And why they thought grey was a much more enviable hue- I do not know. I guess that’s elephants for you- always obsessed with looking the ‘part’- whatever that is.

To a friend on her 18th Birthday

Dear friend,
(With a fitting cliched beginning:)
It seems like only yesterday I saw your first birthday (which was in fact your 12th as we'd only met at the beginning of secondary school). But oh how you've not really grown at all! You still argue when you know you're wrong, still do that weird twisty thing with your hair when you're tensed( which will invariably lead to aloepecia), and still love and embrace life with all the gusto and all the innocence of a new-born rock star!


Therefore,  with all the wisdom of a best-friend who is at least a year younger than you, I have composed this list:


1) Be Spontaneous: No better time than now to remind you of the best piece of advice, which just happens to be first given me by you. Now that you're getting old and greying, make sure to keep that in mind. No matter how bogged down you get with the drudgery of life- randomly stop and smell the roses, kiss that passing stranger(not really), and burst out in song when you feel like it. I'll try to be there to fill the awkward silence when you do so...


2)Go to Ireland: Galway girl can't wait forever! There really is something magical about there be it Northern Ireland or the 'real deal'. Maybe you can finally live that Holly-Gerry moment, huh?


3) Don't 'DO IT'-
You know what I mean. Not that I question your chastity or anything, but in a world where values are changing fast, and even the rest of our friends are giving in- try to remember it's best to save it for your 'one and only'...

4) On that note Do 'Get a Boyfriend':
I'd say it's about time now, don't ya think? And I know, I know- it's not really your active choice not to have one. But try opening your eyes to those you least expect - without compromising standards.

5) Take more pictures, make more videos: Honestly there is nothing better than documenting your life, really? Even when there's absolutely nothing special to document. It will come in handy when you're bored one day.


6) Stop any remnant  'childishness': Now I am NOT calling you out or anything, before you kill me! I 'm just saying if ever you get the temptation to be mean to someone, complain ridiculously or get overly-jealous about something trivial- NIP IT IN THE BUD!

7) Keep the 'child-likeness': Be free, Be trusting, Be trustworthy. Enjoy sweets and gum drops, wear that bright pink whatever- you know......

8) Get back to the Classics: What happened to those old Hamlet quotes you'd recite each day? Any you haven't read, get to reading and impress/annoy me again :)


9) Once you do get a Boyfriend- DON'T be boy-crazy: Please, please don't 'cos guess whose gonna have to deal with the annoying worries, pleasantries, and post-break up 'Oh-My-God-I-Thought-He-Was-Perfect tears'....

10) Start working on that 'Bucket  list'- Not in the sense that you're getting old/nearing death, but in the fact that these our things you've always wanted to do. Remember how we started drawing them up last summer?

11) But remember- life is a marathon, not a race- So the process of getting there, is just as important as the achievement itself. Take time to relish the daily routines...

12) Never forget to have the occassional 'I'm gonna stay in my pajamas today', 'I'm gonna have a lie-in' days- they are essential

13) Try to make a mark on the world or at least, in someone else's life: Do something- write a book, get to painting, get to charity- have something you'll be remembered for.

14) Listen more: More knowledge is gained from taking in, than spitting out.

15) Travel- You know that's one of the top things you said you have to do. No matter where you work or what you do, make sure you go somewhere exotic...

16) But when you do, keep in touch, ok? And not just with me, or your family, but with the friends I know you're already letting go of. Call them up sometime

17) Believe in Fairytales, and Magic: I do not know who this slightly cynical personna I am starting to see more of is, but i advise  you to screw her and her over-realism. What would the world be without ideals- whether they pan out or not? You are not Miss Harry Potter-Movie Watcher-Extraordinaire for nothing! I know you will find him- I'm sure you will- and you'll have that life you dreamed of so long.


18) Be true to You and to Him- And this time I don't mean a guy- I mean God. Don't forget who you are- a Christian African child. That come with so many implications and responsibilities to others, yourself and God. Don't let anyone make you feel less; don't be pressurized into anything- and keep hope, faith, and love alive.


I love you now; I'll love you always. I'll be here to make sure you follow through.

Love,

Cathy

On the Loss of Innocence, and Being-too-Young

I remember how there was a time when I could never fathom the following:
How Black Americans in the time when racial aggression was at its worst could live in a neighborhood where daily their friends and family got beaten, shot, or lynched.
How people in Afghanistan could go on living in an area where each moment laid imminent death by the Taliban.
How could they carry out any semblance of normal living at such times, and in such areas?
Why wouldn't they just leave?

Now, when I read about how a girl was returning from the market on her way to dinner,  when suddenly a soldier raid rampages her neighbor hood, or how a man was driving home from work and was suddenly shot by a member of the KKK, my senses are not completely shocked at the complete contrast of the two happenings.
I understand perfectly how my country can be deemed a terrorist nation, facing internal war from a religious sect, and I can still go on living their with my family, and living a relatively normal life too- watching movies, going to Church, having parties.

I read daily that another Church had been bombed, another raid unleashed- and with the full knowledge that it could have just as easily been me, I wake up and do the same tomorrow.

Why it is this way- I do not really know.
But sometimes leaving just isn't an option- and not even in the physical sense you may think I mean.

Maybe it's because leaving just isn't the answer- but that's probably not really why.

But it doesn't just stop there- I myself have been a subject of a dreaded news take on a crises. It was horrible, I was shaken- but I'm still there and I still live.

What I have learnt is this: We can never just stop, we have to keep moving-to carry on.
And sometimes these things that happen really are greater than us, and all we can do is be moved, swept by the tide.

Harsh fact for someone whose barely lived.

I really am too young, to be feeling this old.

A Rant?

'Germans are stupid'

Ok, so I have this little stereotype stuck in my head. I know it's obviously wrong, and that it only holds true based on ad hominum logical fallacy. But I honestly don't care- at least, not now.

A lot of times you go on hearing that we've come along way, and that Racism is a thing of the past- a non-subject really.But I am sadly certain that it's a thing that may never go away. And not because it can't, but because it's continually propagated- by both sides. And not in the tangible way it was before- that was the easy part. Now its subliminal it's in ideas, in comments, in charity- in matters you just can't pin point.

But that's not what I'm about to focus on- no lofty ideas for now.

I just have a case in point, is all.

As an African studying abroad, after previously not doing so: I came smack faced with it on a daily basis. But sometimes it becomes so open and obvious- but still in that way that remains so elusive.

1)A German boy  having watched me run a race( the only black person running) went up to another African girl and told her 'Congratulations on running':

a) This boy has been in my class the entire year

b) this boy is friends with the girl he mistook me for

c) There are only 4 black girls in our year(myself included)- and neither of us look alike

d) To further this- I am tall, thin, with a short curly hair style. The girl is Short, plump, with huge long braids

And I am just like:

2) We were at a UKCAT(Medicine test)  test preparation session when a black friend of mine came out on top in the decision analysis section. This section deals with encoding cryptic messages based on numbers representing disjointed groups of words.  A Girl( another German) made the following comment:

'It(her success) must be because that's how they talk where she comes from'

Once again:

Now I know this is ignorance.

And society today will tell me to 'chill out-obviously they don't mean it or can't you take a harmless joke?'

But you know what, society? No I *OBSCENITY* can't, because it doesn't matter whether they say this with the hatred of the KKK, or the stupidity of ...Bozo the clown! I don't care. 

This, my friends, is the exact reason why racism will never end.

And until we learn to stop letting it go as a joke- this intangible elusive subliminal *Obscenity* we call racism like an annoying itch- will never leave.

And here is  the reasoning behind my claim, in the words of Aibileen Clark from The Help:

''- stop that moment from coming – and it come in every child's life – when they start to think that colored folks ain't as good as whites"