Dear Little Cathy

Hi Guys!

It's been a while, huh. Gosh- I've been really swamped with work and stuff....but who cares?

Anyway, so today I saw this picture and it really struck me: What would I tell Little Cathy if I could go back in time. Well I'm still trying to get back into the blogging form...so bear with me as I list some things I'd like little me to know:

1) Don't get so stressed out over little things: Like seriously Cathy- you're actually smart, kind, and pretty- you don't need to beat yourself over every piece of homework set, or every test you fail. I know it's hard for you to ignore other people's feelings but try not to let their bad moods bring you down. And stop second- guessing you're looks- it's obvious you'll turn out ok( that is, after you pass that awkward stage around 10-12 when your ears and nose are really big- just givin' you a heads up!)

2) Fruit- Get into the habit of eating fruit, because it really pays off when you get older. Now you have 3 rotting apples on your desk from attempting to force yourself to eat them- congratulations.

3) Don't feel bad about the teasing of you're height or dance skills- you actually ended up being pretty good at it- boo yah, sister and family who made fun of you! And as for you're height- well, it's a blessing and a curse.

4) Force your parents to have taught you the essentials by the age of 10:
- your native language
- a foreign language
- to play a musical instrument- preferably piano or guitar.
Because if not, you are going to end up feeling pretty inadequate when you get into an international school for geniuses, with 7year-old 'grade 8' pianists and friends who have mastered 4 different languages.

5) Ballet!: You really should tone-down the tom-boy thing you'll have going for most of your childhood- it will be so much fun if  you join your sister in ballet, and a lot cooler than what you're doing now- which is prancing around the house on you're tip-toes like a prat.

6) Quick one here: In the summer of '09 you will be trusted with an envelope containing a certain sum of money in a foreign currency- DO NOT, i repeat, NOT, leave it on your lap in the car, fall asleep, then wake up and jump out of the car without looking.

7) Keep in touch: You live a life where you're constantly travelling, experencing new cultures, meeting new people and leaving old ones behind. Take full advantage of this, and also stay in contact with those awesome friends- some of them are the best people you'll ever meet!

8) Filming: Get into the habit of taking videos, and get a videocam early too- you're going to be obsessing a lot over the cool ideas you'd like to bring to life, but just don't know how.

9) Guys: Hmmm....sorry Cathy- I guess I'm still just no good at them, eh? Which is probably where I should start from: get a guy best friend or rather keep the guy best friend that you will meet on the first day of kindergarten in a certain East-African country. That would probably really solve alot of the dilemmas you currently face in understanding the cold, dangerous darklands of the teenage-boy psyche. It may also lead to you guys....well- I'll just let you find out that one ;)

10) Popularity: Just want you to know that you did the right thing by staying true to yourself. It may not always look the most appealing side to take, but it's totally worth it in the end.

11) Family: Hold on to your family like nothing else. I mean it! You love them now, and always will, but remembering just how much you love them when your constantly bickering with them, at that young age little kids do, would really save a lot of potential hurt. Also you must stick with your siblings like 'stickyglue' and defend them no matter who or what tries to blur your vision.
Remember, like 'Brother's Garcias' ( you love that show ps It'll be taken off air soon so don't get too attached) ' Doro para familia'  (or something like that).

Everything for the family.

Cathy

Living Lemonade 101: Day 22- Sparkling nail polish

Ahh....nothing says summer like candy-coloured school-girl glittery nail polish!

Especially now that summer's slowly passing, and fading to an end.

Let's fight off any prospective winter blue, with candy floss and star bright hues!

'Cos nothing says I'm lovin' it
like living life lemonade!

The book of Love Pt1

This one's for everyone- the lovers, the beloved, those who have lost it, and those yet to find it.

Many thanks to Scrubs Episode Finale for playing it.(love that show).
Post coming later!

Fast Car

For a long time now, I've wondered how best to say this. Somehow I know I'll never get it right. Presently, you're a thousand miles away, and I'm struggling to keep things sane over here. There's a lot that's probably been on your mind, but if you have the time, here's this.

Sometimes we get lost in where we are now, and forget just how far we've come- good or bad,  where it all began.  Today I did  the same thing that I'd always done. I cleaned the house, pressed his shirts, and washed the baby. It was, in fact, while she fed, that I'd heard it on the radio. The first bars I couldn't mistake, and I gasped, nearly dropping her. I sat still in shock for the entire song, clutching her to my chest, ignoring the kettle hissing, the phone ringing, the world moving.

Now I'm here scribbling this late into the night. I'd spent the rest of the day searching in the attic all alone amongst my old stuff for that CD, and I couldn't believe my luck. It's playing now on repeat...it's helping me do this.

There's so much I never said, and I'm sorry.

When you came to town, I was angry and tired...always tired. So it was simple, I was awful to you. And then you came full of the shine of the city, all talk of bigger things and hope. I hated you for it, but it confused me so- why you were here in the first place. So I'd entertained your endless questions, and your stories.

And then I'd noticed the awkward silences were becoming more comfortable, and that your eyes shone differently when you were with me. The day you'd kissed me, I remember thinking 'this can't be right- you're so different from me!'

It was another year on that I realised we were the same.

You'd lost your mother, I never knew my father. This town was the only other home you and you're dad had ever known. And without her, there just wasn't enough to keep you in the city.

In you're eyes I saw the eyes of somebody I could trust. I'd never expected to fall so hard. We both knew we needed to leave this place at once, or live and die this way.

It fascinated you, how I could conjure up these fantasies of how'd we leave, where we'd go, what we'd do. Not knowing I only had them because of you; because with you, I felt like I could be someone.You had a car, and I had a little from the extra shifts I had begun taking.  And that morning you'd asked me to come along with you, across the border. I didn't believe you, even though I knew you were serious. I'd wanted to do it, believe me, I did. I was ready- I'd been ever since you first mentioned it the first night we'd driven out of the town.

Yes, it was as we drove, the radio played this song, and it was ours and we were in love.

The River Flows in You

Sun gleaming, and the wind whistling
gentle silence.

-And you there, making Love’s presence felt
listening intently, hearing no more than a whisper.

And then the notes strike you, and you seem to gasp.

Something amazing! Your eyes round tell
These notes so sweet, so complex, so utterly intricate waft breaking silence.

And then your eyes fall on the River;
You gasp again.

Like diamonds! No- Ten thousand stars instead.
Sparkling, dazzling, streaming gracefully to eternity seeming.

You turn to me again, opening your lips to say it all
which remains open, saying nothing.
Unaware that lay before me, three perfect beauties
-the melody, the River,
And the girl.

Yes, darling, my melodies inadequate to describe what’s true
And yes, darling, the River flows in you.

Cathy

Will things be the same next time we meet?

To begin this post, I'd like to start off with a song reference ( as I often do :) ).
In the words of Biffy Clyro's 'Many of horror' (song inserted below for the 'interested and lazy'):

When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise; I know you're worth it
When you hit me hit me hard

So...
In many ways I find these lyrics profound, and in some ways, relevant to me. It's all about being in love with someone who is technically 'bad for you'. Although with this song, its more about an abusive relationship either emotionally, physically, etc, I can identify falling for someone when you know 'it' will never work out, and will inevitably end up hurting you ( get my drift now?) .

Often I find myself doing this, albeit on a far smaller scale, and to a lesser extent. And I won't call what I feel/felt 'love' per se, but attraction of varying intensities.

I was thinking of going into specifics initially, but have decided against it.
Presently, I feel this way for a few guys(really few okay!) at the same time- all of varying degrees, and subject to change at any point. Yes, I do think we can all feel this way about the opposite sex at times- feelings are really hard to deal with, especially when young.

And funny enough, with all of them I have the same problem. We're never around each other for too long. But when we're together its great and despite all the fluctuations there's still this level of permanency that I do like them that way. And I can't wait to see them, but life happens and I can't be near any of them. And with each of them is something unique about who they are, but also something so obviously 'wrong' about the relationship itself, that shouldn't work.

Yet I still find myself wishing it would.

Arrgh- I doubt I'm making much sense, so I guess I'll just end this with a quote that may or may not explain what I'm feeling...
 Actually this time I have a couple:

'I've learned that there are people that truly love you, but they just don't know how to show it'


'Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you... and I wish on a star that somewhere you're thinking of me, too'




'I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have.'

Anyone else in my boat?

Cathy.

Fast Car

For a long time now, I've wondered how best to say this. Somehow I know I'll never get it right. Presently, you're a thousand miles away, and I'm struggling to keep things sane over here. There's a lot that's probably been on your mind, but if you have the time, here's this.

Sometimes we get lost in where we are now, and forget just how far we've come- good or bad,  where it all began.  Today I did  the same thing that I'd always done. I cleaned the house, pressed his shirts, and washed the baby. It was, in fact, while she fed, that I'd heard it on the radio. The first bars I couldn't mistake, and I gasped, nearly dropping her. I sat still in shock for the entire song, clutching her to my chest, ignoring the kettle hissing, the phone ringing, the world moving.

Now I'm here scribbling this late into the night. I'd spent the rest of the day searching in the attic all alone amongst my old stuff for that CD, and I couldn't believe my luck. It's playing now on repeat...it's helping me do this.

There's so much I never said, and I'm sorry.

When you came to town, I was angry and tired...always tired. So it was simple, I was awful to you. And then you came full of the shine of the city, all talk of bigger things and hope. I hated you for it, but it confused me so- why you were here in the first place. So I'd entertained your endless questions, and your stories.

And then I'd noticed the awkward silences were becoming more comfortable, and that your eyes shone differently when you were with me. The day you'd kissed me, I remember thinking 'this can't be right- you're so different from me!'

It was another year on that I realised we were the same.

You'd lost your mother, I never knew my father. This town was the only other home you and you're dad had ever known. And without her, there just wasn't enough to keep you in the city.

In you're eyes I saw the eyes of somebody I could trust. I'd never expected to fall so hard. We both knew we needed to leave this place at once, or live and die this way.

It fascinated you, how I could conjure up these fantasies of how'd we leave, where we'd go, what we'd do. Not knowing I only had them because of you; because with you, I felt like I could be someone.You had a car, and I had a little from the extra shifts I had begun taking.  And that morning you'd asked me to come along with you, across the border. I didn't believe you, even though I knew you were serious. I'd wanted to do it, believe me, I did. I was ready- I'd been ever since you first mentioned it the first night we'd driven out of the town.

Yes, it was as we drove, the radio played this song, and it was ours and we were in love.